How to Create a Magical Relationship with your Horse
Before we get magical, let’s get clear on a few elements for this post!
Relationship is the way in which two or more people or things are connected, or the state of being connected. Relationship is (also) the way in which two or more people or groups regard and behave towards each other. (Oxford Dictionary)
Rapport is a close and harmonious relationship in which the people or groups concerned are "in sync" with each other, understand each other's feelings or ideas, and communicate smoothly. (Oxford Dictionary)
Bonding is the establishment of a relationship or link with someone based on shared feelings, interests, or experiences. (Oxford Dictionary)
A great relationship can begin when two people/beings bring their attention towards each other, inviting each other into connection with one another. (Check out my post on CONNECTION) From there, we can take on specific roles in each other’s lives, choose to deepen the rapport between each other or simply bond through life experiences we both enjoy.
Yet, I find it rare to see a horse-human relationship that inspires me. Mostly I just see a rider telling their horse what to do and try to push them into following their ego-centered desires. The horse is but a tool for personal pleasure, deeply love, yet shouted or insulted if they do something that displeases…
But what if you want to experience a truly magical relationship with your horse? One where you can read each other’s minds, feel each other’s hearts and experience life together beyond the ropes or reins. This happens through being intimately connected on an energetic level, having a high level of rapport through a deep understanding of each other & where it is actually truly joyful to life shared together, especially for the horse (kinda a given for us as horse owners, if not check out my program Lead with Love to transform your relationship).
The relationship I most enjoy with my horses is one where they are free to express themselves. Where I am not forcing my ego’s desires upon my horse. Where we work together to find our next stage of evolution, where we be and grow as partners, in love with each step we take together - whatever that looks like.
This requires a true shift from the old paradigm of horsemanship.
We are no longer in the game for only our personal pleasure, we step up as guides/partners for our horses greatest good & bow down to be of service to their needs & development. It start within you.
MINDSET
Most days I walk into the field and all 3 horses instantly come over to say hello. Of course, if the field has been opened and they have just had access to lots of fresh grass and they don’t come over instantly, I do not let it mean anything about the state of our relationship, my horses are simply taking care of one of their primary needs - food.
Initially it can be challenging to the ego to clearly see the reality of the relationship with our horse. When you begin to give your horse a choice & they walk away. It can be challenging when some days we walk into the field & our energy is off for some reason, our horse comes up to say hi & then instantly walks away after feeling our energy.
We must be willing to go beyond our ego & acknowledge that sometimes things don’t happen the way we would like them to. But creating a beautiful relationship is less about what’s happening & more about how you show up in all situations. When we are willing to see any situation as an opportunity for growth we can let go of a lot of frustration so commonly experienced with horses, because we are inspired to grow WITH our horse, to improve things for the greater good of both involved.
When you take on the responsibility of a horse, have the mindset of a beginner (there’s always more to learn), grow your knowledge, acquire new tools & techniques, learn from your horse & ultimately become a really wise horsewoman. The more you can become an amazing horsewoman, the more you can move through life with your horse from a place of complete confidence, passion & awe that isn’t easily fazed. Because you’ll trust yourself to guide your horse through any difficulty & create positive experiences for them with every encounter.
But it starts with a willingness to become aware of our own desires, step into showing up for our horse’s benefit… they will give it back to you 1000x.
IN THE NAME OF LOVE
Be of service to your horse. Love them unconditionally.
Do you love your horse even when they don’t do what you want? Do you love them when their behaviour is challenging you? Can you see beyond their stress, frustration or aggressivity to see the underlying issue & tend to it with the greatest care? Can you be in love with them when they tell you “no” or when they don’t want to be with you?
Loving your horse uncondtionally means that there are no conditions to loving them. They don’t have to look, be or behave any specific way to receive your love. Taking on a horse is no small thing. Devotion will transform your relationship with them. It will energize you when you feel the pressure from a lack of energy, time or money. Through loving devotion you know you are in this for the relationship above any goal. When we can love them above & beyond our ego (yet also hold love for ourselves - there are too many burnt out horsewomen out there), we are honoring our horse for the majestic being that they are.
When we are in LOVE with the being that is our horse - nothing else matters & nothing else is needed. The present moment is divinely full. They will feel it & you will feel their love for you - that in itself is worth living for. The rapport that comes from a place of being of service, fuelled by love, is what will carry you through all the bumps in the road ahead. Life life’s, but rooted in love, it’s all just evolution.
POSITIVE EXPERIENCES
One simple way to build a bond with your horse is by gifting them with positive experiences each time they are with you. This means tuning into their emotions to not push them into too much stress. This means listening to their energy levels & desire to work/do things that day to not become just a demanding teacher with a stick. This means knowing how to design a session so they walk out feeling like a winner. This means knowing when to stop a session before going past that sweet spot of effort/enjoyment. This means letting your horse return to a deep state of relaxation before you fully end the session.
The more your horse feels good with you, the more they will want to be with you simple.
The more wisdom you have in guiding your horse through any unpleasant emotions, challenging exercises, the clearer you are in your communication, the better you get in inspiring your horse to find answers & finding a thrill in the work together, the greater guide you become to help your horse to find deep relaxation & healthy movements in their body, the more you will be able to create positive experiences.
Sometimes we think it’s all about the horse… but ultimately it’s so much about us.
Our horse simply, naturally, responds to our intentions, energy & body language.